Letting go

Today was hard. I let go of more things. Specifically, my car. The car I drove to Maine in, back and forth across upstate New York in for six years. The car I meandered to mountains and lakes and hiking posts and country drives with Duncan riding shotgun. Praying in the Spirit over geographic territories at the top of my lungs and full fervor, while Duncan bobbed his lolling tongue in the breeze, his brown ears flapping wildly. I drove eighty thousand miles of singing, praying, laughing, exploring, most of them with Duncan tagging along Mommie.

Today I took my car for my final ride, to Schenectady to a friend's car lot who will try to sell it for me. I need the money, and I don't expect to need a car in the States anytime soon, as I know I am called by God to the nations. Still, however, it doesn't make it easier to l e t  g o.  Things get a hold of us, our trust, our navigation tool, and the great unknown ahead of me. I know it will be good, wonderful in fact. But I let go of one hand while the other opens toward heaven ready to pick whichever fruit is presented.

Today, I also packed up my apartment. All my cozy things are packed in storage. I'm left with the cold reminder that I can't get too comfortable, and I will have to say goodbye more often than I would like, in this life I've been called to.

I'm sitting in a mostly-empty apartment, with no car waiting for me in the driveway. The reminders and ghosts of the past driven away, swept away with the autumn leaves, as I like them drift forward and await the next season.

Heron

God brought me a tall white heron today, in answer to a prayer for confirmation.

#sohappy

Trusting

This is the end of a very long three weeks. God opened a suddenly door for me to step in as a spanish teacher in a catholic school for twelve days, writing curriculum and teaching grades pre-k through 8th, with hand puppets, songs, videos, textbooks and stories. Students begged fore to tell them bible stories, and I ended classes with rich and colorful bible lessons and testimonies of faith and collective prayers and Holy Spirit encounters. Add to this busy season another suddenly- that of being accepted as a part of a missions organization and also suddenly plans to embark on an international trip in less than a month. So, while teaching ten different levels of spanish full days as the pinch hitter maestra, I was moonlighting by writing and mailing support letters, making calls and setting meetings with ministry partners, running to doctors for travel vaccinations. Plus a brand new laptop to lean fast how to use plus the software programs that continue to be new to me. 

In the most of this, cleaning out storage from a house and rising before roosters for two consecutive garage sales which, though very successful, caused me some heartache as I said goodbye to nearly all my possessions. Add to thy an untimely respiratory infection. 

Enter the seed for a nasty little thing called striving. 

It's easy to see how striving slithers in to throw priorities off and divert our gaze.

Striving is a fragile stronghold like a spiderweb that can hardly be seen but upon which whole foundations can be built or destroyed. My countless tasks, though rooted in good intentions, can be diverted to striving worry anxiety if I'm not careful. I am reminded to keep my eyes on Jesus, lest I sink. I've stepped out of the boat; but now to not look upon the waves. 

Eleven disciples did not step out of the boat. Often we think of Peter and criticize his lack of faith in sinking and crying out Lord, Lord. But we forget that eleven others sat there gawking, frozen in their wooden plank seats, toes fixed firmly on the floor and knuckles grasping oars in the stormy sea, afraid to let go of the oars, let alone rise up and plunge over the side into the black turbulence.

I feel like Peter in the turbulent water. I see Jesus straight ahead. His hand is reaching out to me. Come, daughter. Come. His smile and his bright eyes illuminate the darkness. There is no fear in him.

For all the things that need to still happen shall come to pass. I shall not fear. 

My assignments here have borne great fruit. Ninety-one students surrendered their lives to Jesus and invited him into their hearts during my short stint. They met with the Holy Spirit for the first time and were overtaken by his electrifying power. 

The hurdles will always be there, but the selahs will need to be purposefully made to rest in.  I need to breathe knowing He is in total control and will continue to lead me.

I'm tired. I'm ill. I'm beyond exhausted.  Im elated and super excited for this trip. 

I need only look in his eyes.

All else will fade away. 

He is here.

My Lord, my rabbi, my Friend.

On a limb

Waiting in expectation

For the miracles;

On the edge of a knife

an eleven fifty-nine clock

And a promise about to ring

A promise of the call of a good father

To show up and sweep me off my feet

To tend my scratches and kiss my spent muscles as I collapse

Heavy and spent,

My mind stills before His grace

My heart yields to His white light

My spirit circles and lays to rest in His glow

Like a house dog cosying to her master

I am waiting His miracles

Looking for His fireworks that only He can do

Going to the promised land, 

going to hold His hand and follow where He leads

I shall dance like David and worship-,

To pray to ignite to burn-,

To hope, to listen-,

To love.

The winter is gone and the springtime comes. I'm quickened to the meadow.

I wish only to be where He calls me 

I know my small hand is in His firm grasp.

Boot Camp

Did you ever feel like you were on the edge of a storm waiting for the thunder to clap and the deluge to start flooding down? You know, the feeling you get in your bones when a heavy storm's about to pass over. For much of my life I've been a human barometer, reading the weather forecast accurately from dull aches in my bones that morphed from childhood injuries into guideposts for when the snow would fly. Lately my spirit has been reading the barometric pressure spiritually, so to speak. I have been keenly aware that it is coming- the storm of a lifetime- and it will be a tsunami of epic proportions to sweep up many unexpectedly. 

These past three months being back home have felt like boot camp where I've been getting trained up, filled up, and put through the wringer in intense preparation for what is about to transpire soon. It feels like a little bit of a rest between assignments but mostly a sacred timeout of training. I fall into bed tired and spent each night. Days are full of the school of the spiritual lessons The Lord wants to teach me. 

I'm getting ready. My sword is getting sharpened. The chinks in my armour are hammered smooth. Mending and strengthening the armour, speaking a lot with the Commander of the Armies, expecting my deployment at any time. To where, He hasn't shown me yet. He wants to know I will wait and trust and obey. God knows too well if I had the whole blueprint from His hands I would run ahead of Him. Neither He nor I want me to do that. For the safest place I can be is in the center of His will for me. 

My bags are packed. I'm selling anything that isn't nailed down. I know I need money, enough to fly wherever He calls me and stay there as long as He tells me. I'm trusting The Lord for all my needs. I'm trusting that when He whispers to me my next assignment, He will supernaturally bring in the resources needed, either through His storehouses, or through whatever means He chooses. I'm expecting; I'm ready.

Who will go for me? Says The Lord.

Lord, send me. Send me.

Guideposts

We go back and read the signs that we passed when we think we've lost our way--we go back and make sure we took the turn in the road we were meant to.  Lately the enemy has been pounding against me with lies, doubt, anxiousness, fear. None of which sticks to my armour but some of the ooze of the rubber darts lingers until a fresh rain of the Holy Spirit comes.

I am needing a fresh rain.

Consider it pure joy when you face trials and persevere. You will lack nothing. Blessed is the man who perseveres. He will receive a crown of life. In Galatians we are reminded that as a man does, he reaps. If you sow seeds of fear and unbelief, your life will reflect that. If you sow seeds of faith, however, your life and works will produce an abundant tree. It is The Lord who brings in the crop; we merely sow and till and plow where He tells us.

Do not grow weary in your faith. Love well and take care of the family of believers. Their faith may be shaken while yours is strong. Theirs may be strong while yours is shaken. 

Let us consider how we may encourage one another on toward love and good deeds. Hebrews 10:24

Strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Hebrews 12:12

Take the ways that are firm. When you ask God, do not doubt. But believe. James 1:6

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without action is dead. James 2:26

Abraham's faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. A person is justified by what she does--and not by faith alone. James 2:22-24

The prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; The Lord will raise him up. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective! James 5:15-16

I am Sarah's daughter if I do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:6

Therefore, brothers and sisters in faith, do not be discouraged. God is faithful and true. He will not forsake you. He has carved you on his hand. He will see to it that his plans succeed. Sow in faith in what is possible; and God will raise up a standard to do what is impossible. If he called you to it, he will see it accomplished. Stand firm, therefore, and do not give in to the yoke of slavery to fear or unbelief. But, believe! 

In the small stuff

God is in the small things in life. Yesterday was a perfect example of that. I was driving home from a church in Schodack, New York, along a busy highway lined with grassy meadows and hills of thick trees. Along the edge of the highway, dangerously close to traffic, there was a baby deer nibbling at the grass. My heart went out to him and I lifted up a prayer. Jesus, I said, I know you care about the little things too. Please protect that deer's life and lead it away from the highway. Immediately the baby deer looked up from grazing as if it saw something, and the deer turned fully around and walked in a direct line into the forest of trees. It was as if a guide was leading it by the neck. It happened so suddenly and I was able to see it all happen before I was out of sight. It moved me to tears as yet another reminder of the Lord's faithful attention to the prayers of his saints. He really does care about the little things. And this gives us courage to trust him for the bigger things.

Do not despise the day of small beginnings, saith the Lord.

Remember, our words have life and death in them. Speak life to every situation. Do not be anxious or worried; instead speak in faith in The One who is in control of all things, for it is our faith mixed with His actions which brings change. 

*And nothing is impossible with God.*

God, Not Man

A reminder from The Lord from the prophet Jeremiah. This scripture is a powerful reminder to each of us seeking to follow after The Lord Jesus. He speaks blessings and curses over man based on who their trust is in. God says, if we trust in man we will be like a bush in the desert, bearing no fruit and having no life to speak of. A scant scraping of an existence with barely enough sustenance and never enough to prosper us to vitality.  What does that mean? Putting your faith in man's ideas, man's systems, man's cultural mores, man's rigid structures and limited reasoning. In western thinking, in regulated religion, in systems and organizations and buildings and traditions.

But! For the man who puts his trust on God, a multitude of blessings springs forth from the abundance of God's kingdom. Things like confidence and freedom, success and abundance. Deep refreshing to your roots, unwavering security in all seasons. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? 

Some examples of people in the bible who lived by such faith and trust in God (and not man) are listed in the 11th chapter of the book of Hebrews, people like Noah and Moses and Joseph and Abraham and Samuel and Gideon and Rahab and Ezekiel and Elisha and Elijah and Job and Mary and especially Jesus. People who did not fear man, who didn't worry about how they would eat or drink or be clothed in or where they would stay or how they would pay for travels or feed their family or save for retirement. They simply heard the voice of God and then they obeyed. Jesus clearly taught, take what little you have and give it away and more will be added to it. He fed thousands on a few fish and a loaf of crusty bread. He healed the sick by trusting God at His word of healing. He fought back satan by declaring the absolute truth of Holy Scripture to refute the lies. Abraham left his comfortable home for the great unknown of Egypt. Mary faced threatened the possibility of getting stoned to death for pregnancy out of wedlock, even though it was by God's Holy Spirit. Who would have believed her? Joseph her betrothed believed her only because a mighty angel spoke to him. (God has ways of protecting His children who are walking in faith.)

The point is, don't get stuck in your limited thinking that you need all the answers or the complete blueprint from God before you'll take a step put of the boat. For without faith it is absolutely impossible for you to please God.

So, if God is calling you to do something, go somewhere, speak to someone, or do something that seems scary to you, be encouraged that your faith and obedience pleases Him and He rewards those who diligently seek Him. 

Just seek God; He won't let you down. You might seem foolish in your eyes or you might go into unknown and intimidating waters. But He will be with you. Not to mention legions of His wonderful angels, ready to guard you in your ways (see psalm 91).

So here's that scripture I was referring to in Jeremiah about trusting in God and not man. I pray you get the courage you need to radically trust God. He won't let you down. After all, He is God.

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from The Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands. He won't see prosperity when it comes, he'll dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But, blessed is the one who trusts in The Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes. Its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and it never fails to bear fruit."  Jeremiah 17:5-8. Selah. 

            "My sheep know my voice."

                           -Jesus 

To Women Everywhere

It is nearly Mother's Day. A Hallmark holiday intended to celebrate mothers everywhere and raise the consumer spending index through flower and chocolate sales. I think it is wonderful that we appreciate moms. I think it should be more often than once a year with less formality but with as much sincerity.  I know I am thankful for my mom and will be enjoying the day with her. It is for a different group of women I am writing today... those for whom this day is marked with sadness, grief or even faltering faith. And to these women I dedicate this post.

Millions of women in the world are either childless, barren, past childbearing age, or have experienced the trauma of abortion at some point in their lives. They, like myself, may have a baby in heaven they look forward to meeting one day, holding, and looking into their eyes. Like me, they experienced motherhood for a brief moment and then, for either poor decisions or for fear of what to do and making a hasty and selfish decision, they chose to terminate a life. Or perhaps they longed for their baby and The Lord chose to take the wee one home to heaven. 

Perhaps they never experienced pregnancy. It could be that for years they longed for a husband and family of their own, but The Lord had different plans. Maybe The Lord has marriage and family in their future but it hasn't come to pass yet. 

Women, I want to encourage you. I know it takes great faith to press on and trust that God has your best in mind, when you can only see one step ahead. I can confidently assure you that He does have your best in mind, and His best will come to pass when you let Him lead you. 

Keep trusting Him, for He is worthy.

If you are hurting from the loss of a child, let God put His arms around you. He knows your pain and He loves you, and He is caring for your little one. You will see your little one again. The Lord never forsakes you and He will not leave you. If you sinned, you can be forgiven! There is no sin beyond forgiveness; just sincerely repent and ask Jesus to forgive you and to heal your emotional wounds. Then receive healing and forgiveness from Jesus! Let His love wash over you. The next thing to do is to rebuke the enemy of your soul who accuses and lies to you. Make him flee from you by standing firmly on God's Word. Replace the lies with God's truth of who you are. (A good read is "Victory Over Darkness" by Neil Anderson. Also highly recommended is "Prayers That Heal the Heart" by Mark and Patti Virkler.) Meditate daily on the Word of God. See Hebrews 4:12. And, by all means, stop sinning. Remove yourself from the lifestyle of sin and walk in the victory of God's light! God will give you the grace to overcome temptation. See Galatians 5.

"If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins,

O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness; 

Therefore you are feared."  Psalm 130

If you are a dedicated single woman serving The Lord and trusting Him for a husband, I want to encourage you to keep trusting Him and lean not on your own understanding. Lean on Him. And remember... NOTHING is impossible with God! As you delight yourself in The Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart. He may change your desires, but you will not be disappointed. You who have a mother's heart shall bear fruit. It may be spiritual children. It might mean adopting orphans or creating safe houses for trafficked young girls in Cambodia. It might look very different from what you thought. Please hear with your heart-- The Lord will see to it. This is our Jehovah Jireh. Just trust him and follow him and lay aside your desires so he can resurrect them even better than you can imagine!

"Sing, O barren woman,

You who never bore a child!

Burst into song, shout for joy!

You who were never in labor;

Because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband, says The Lord." Isaiah 54

Be encouraged, women, for you are greatly loved. You are greatly forgiven. You are greatly cherished. For you are royalty. You are daughters of the King.

"Enlarge the place of your tent and stretch your tent curtains wide;

Do not hold back!

Lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes.

For you will spread out to the right and to the left;

Your descendants will dispossess nations and will settle in their desolate cities.

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband--

The Lord Almighty is His Name--

The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer!

He is called THE GOD OF ALL THE EARTH!"  Isaiah 54

You are loved by the best!

Art credit to Alice Vegrova's page on Facebook where she shares art from around the world.

Blessing

Father, I thank you for how you delight in answering the prayers of your beloved, and for your sudden answer to my prayer!

Just one day ago, I was telling my sister how I would love a quiet retreat place where I could spend a week or two with no one but The Lord. I've been going full-on for nearly one year in New Zealand and, while I love going from house to house sharing life with fellow pilgrims, there comes a time when I just want to be totally alone with The Lord with no distractions and renew my soul in Him.

And, praise God! One day after my prayer, I learned of a friend who "just happened" to be going to Florida for vacation. And "it just so happens" they were leaving the very next day. One thing led to another, and this kind friend graciously opened her home for me to rest in for a  full week of solitude and refreshment while they're away. What's even more serendipitous, get this... The street I am staying on is Kiwi Lane. (For those of you unaware, New Zealanders are called Kiwis.) God really has an uncanny sense of humor. 

So here I have just arrived and am sitting with a cup of hot honey tea, in absolute silence and delight.

I can already feel the excitement for the coming days alone with Abba. I know there are no coincidences with God and that He quickly answered my prayer. I am again blown away by His provision, by His immediate answer to my heart cry. How GOOD He is. How much He loves!

Be encouraged that God delights in you as much! He has no favorites. As you delight yourself in The Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart. And God never breaks His promises. 

Thank you, Abba, for your answer to prayer. Thank you for caring about the little things! I delight in You, Lord. You foresaw my need to be refreshed and rest-- and you already had a wonderful plan. I pray that this coming week will be simply delightful and intimate as You and I hang out together. Ahhh!

Faith Journey, a Continuing Story

First of all I want to thank all of my devoted friends and supporters who have held me up in prayer and who have helped meet my financial and practical needs as a missionary. Your support and encouragement have been and remain so important to me, and I am thankful for you!

At the request of my friends, I am putting out there what I am in need of so you can be in prayer. If you are able to help out in any practical way, please contact me.

My immediate needs:

-laptop computer (don't have one at all and this is essential for a life on the move)

-airfare and visa fees to go back where The Lord is calling me

-housing and meals expenses

-a reliable car on the missions front

-luggage (mine was borrowed) 

I have been pricing these things out and trying to find the best deals and the items that will best meet my needs. My immediate needs are around $1500 for visas and a laptop, and then airfare expenses will be upwards of $2200, plus somewhere between $4000-6000 for a working vehicle overseas. Housing and food while on the field are modestly $150-200 weekly.

I appreciate your prayers, your support, your encouragement. If you feel led to support me financially, please reach out to me via email for giving options. My email is murrecat@gmail.com. If you use paypal, you can send support to me there via the same email listed above. Write me if you would like the mailing address or other ways to send support if paypal doesn't work for you.

No matter how small or big your gift, I want to personally and sincerely say thank you. It is exciting to be on the missions field for The Lord, and I couldn't do it without the help of many friends. Thank you! And may our Heavenly Father bless you.

Cathy

Healing Power of God

Cool story... So yesterday I'm at doctor's and the receptionist is sick and sneezing wheezing.

So I say, "Sounds like you're not doing too good." 

"No" she says, "I'm allergic to everything and have all sorts of ailments, and have tried all sorts of remedies, etc".

So I say, "have you ever been prayed for?"

"No," she replies. 

"Would you like to be?" 

"Yes!" She replies. 

So she and I go around the corner, I tell her I pray in the name of Jesus because that's the only name by which we are saved. 

"I know," she replies. 

So on I go to pray a quick 60-second prayer, and instantly the power of the Holy Spirit falls on both of us. "Do you feel that?" I ask her. 

"Yes!!!"

"That's the presence of God. His Holy Spirit is here, can you feel it?" 

"Yes! I'm shaking!" she replies. 

She excitedly says this must be the reason she came to work today when she didn't want to, and asked me to pray for her dad and on and on, we broke family curses and strongholds over her family, she was healed, and it was awesome how God showed up so fast!

Go God!!